Clear your schedule, grab a glass of rosé (or whatever your beverage of choice is!), and get ready to listen to Housewifery everywhere you get your music.

Read the lyrics to each song from the Housewifery EP.

Ugly Leather Pants

You think you’re so fashion-forward,
and so do your friends.

But while you dress to the nines,
I always dress to the tens.

If you poke the bear, babe,
then you’re gonna get mauled

Honestly, who dressed you today?
’Cause I am appalled.

Jealous? Jealous?
I hear you called me jealous.
Okay.
Sure.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?
Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

What am I jealous of?
Are you f—ing kidding me?
No, ma’am.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

Your attitude is predictable,
you’re so ready-to-wear.

You needle like you’re a seamstress,
but the point is not there.

I don’t deal with knock-offs.
Like my bags, I am real.

You should’ve worn flats today.
The lawn is eating your heels.

Talk behind my back
when you’re the one who’s off-the-rack.

You call me jealous? Jealous? Jealous?

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?
Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

What am I jealous of?
Are you f—ing kidding me?
No, ma’am.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

Just like your pants,
you go below the belt.

I’d respect them more
if they were made of felt.

Babe, you better X, Y, Z:
examine your zipper
before you come for me.

If your fly is down,
then just turn around,
zip it right back up,
and compliment my gown.

If you really wanna be my friend,
don’t ever wear those
ugly leather pants again.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?
Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

What am I jealous of?

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?
Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

What am I jealous of?
Are you f—ing kidding me?
No, ma’am.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

Let’s Talk About the Husband

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

Don’t you ever touch,
don’t touch my husband.
Ever.
Don’t you f–ing
go near my husband ever.

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

You don’t understand
the relationship with my sister.

No, I don’t.

But it’s not okay
to talk to anyone like that, Kim.

It’s just not okay.
Your behavior’s just not okay.

Really?

Yeah, it’s not okay.

Why don’t you
have a piece of bread,
and maybe you’ll
calm down a little?

Piece of bread.

Why don’t you
have a piece of bread,
maybe you’ll
calm down a little?

Piece of bread.

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

Let’s not talk about
what you don't want out.

You better watch
what you talk about me.

Or everyone will know.

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

Piece of bread.

Why don’t you
have a piece of bread,
maybe you’ll
calm down a little?

Piece of bread.

Why don’t you
have a piece of bread,
maybe you’ll
calm down a little?

Piece of bread.

Let’s talk.

Let’s talk about the . . .

talk about the . . .

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

Don’t you ever touch,
don’t touch my husband.
Ever.
Don’t you f–ing
go near my husband ever.

Let’s talk about the husband.
Excuse me? Did you just say,
“Let’s talk about the husband”?

Beast

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

How dare you.

How dare me.

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

I don’t like you.

I don’t particularly like you, either.

Excuse me, I’m not talking to you.

Well, I’m talking to you.

We’ve all talked about it.

Shame on you.

I’m not talking to you.

And I’m talking to you.

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

I don’t like you.

I don’t particularly like you, either.

I can’t find one d— thing
to like about you right now
in the moment.

Well, good.

I’ve never found one thing
to like about you.

From your hair.

To your face.

To your attitude.

Hair.

Face.

Attitude.

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

How dare you.

How dare me.

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

I don’t like you.

I don’t particularly like you, either.

Excuse me, I’m not talking to you.

Well, I’m talking to you.

We’ve all talked about it.

Shame on you.

I’m not talking to you.

And I’m talking to you.

Shut your f—ing mouth,
I’ve had enough of you,
you beast.

Beast.

Yeah.

Beast.

Yeah.

I don’t like you.

I don’t particularly like you, either.

Rosé

Rosé

Find me in the mirror,
Questioning myself.

Oh, it’s getting clearer.
I was mean to you last night.

You left in such a huff,
while I went straight to bed.

We both had had enough,
it all went to our heads
last night.

Can we make up?

I was out of line.

I never use
drinking as an excuse.

But can I just this one time?

Rosé

I say what I mean,
and I mean what I say.

Unless I’m drinking
rosé.

I say what I mean,
and I mean what I say.

Unless I’m drinking
rosé.

I say what I mean,
and I mean what I say.

Unless I’m drinking
rosé.

I say what I mean,
and I mean what I say.

Unless I’m drinking . . .

Rosé

I Made It Nice

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

If no one can behave themselves,
then you’ll all go home.

I give you permission,
all go home.

Yeah.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

If no one can behave themselves,
then you’ll all go home.

I give you permission,
all go home.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

Decorated,
cooked.

Made it nice,

Nice!

Let’s party like it’s my birthday,
even though it’s not.

I just wanted to throw a party,
but you’re like
being kind of a lot.

Everyone’s acting poorly.

I put in a big effort here.

And I think it’s a disgrace.

Don't disrespect my space.

You act so cavalier.

(He decorated.)

(He cooked.)

(He made it nice.)

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

If no one can behave themselves,
then you’ll all go home.

I give you permission,
all go home.

Yeah.

I decorated,
I cooked.

I made it nice.

Nice.

So go home everybody.

Go home.

Nice!

Although people may criticize reality TV, it’s clear it has permanently changed entertainment and provided many insights into human nature, for better or worse. Fans of Chris know he has long been inspired by the genre. To celebrate, his debut EP features five catchy songs inspired by Bravo’s Real Housewives, selected from a large catalogue of songs he’s written about the franchise throughout his career.

Check out Chris’s website to enjoy more of his music.